So, I had a think piece in the works for like a month now and being like an idiot, I just recently changed the format of it, so now I have to redo most of it. There’s even a music show post I plan on writing, although I’m holding off on that because I’m planning on going on at least one more. Hopefully, when all of these posts finally come out, my one reader will still enjoy them.

But for today, I present to you some results of my recent simulation of the Hunger Games: K-pop Edition. Look, I was bored, but I also thought it would be a fun little stupid thing to help forget about some things like:

Maybe your faves are willingly becoming puppets to support a genocidal regime and are turning out to be hypocrites and shells of their former selves?

Or perhaps you’re in fear over a mistake of a debut coming soon especially after hearing that leaked audio of that atrociously named title track?

Or perhaps you just need a decent distraction from the fact that K-pop is in shambles right now and you need to forget that the decade ends in less than 3 months because 2020 ain’t looking much better?

Truthfully, I had already done this before and published some results on my Twitter which it surprisingly received some feedback that was mostly positive. And by feedback, I mean two people commented on it in a somewhat neutral matter which inspired me to do this post.

Here are some highlights from last time:

That was a kind of long recap but I hope that it was worth it as I personally felt that these prequel games were really entertaining and worryingly accurate at times (I’m eyeing you, Jungkook and IU). Though Dahyun swooping in to avenge Wendy at the cruel hands of her oppressor Lee Sooman was impressive, too. Same with Kim Lip and that molotov, if not a bit excessive…

Still, these games really were a narrative that wrote themselves and I hope that future games can be just as entertaining if not provide some silliness to our depressingly stifling life as k-pop fans.

Didn’t even have to change the subtitles

Now please, join me for the first round of the K-pop Hunger Games and read on to see your faves brutally killing each other and let your imagination go wild. If you can’t be bothered to read through any of this, there is a TL;DR down at the bottom. Go knock yourself out.

{The Districts}

Districts 1 & 2: BTS

The district to soon be screwed over by their own doing, their fandom or by a random meteor doused in karma or a combination of the three

So, the first two districts are to be expected. It’s BTS because who else would it be? Number 1, amiright? Anyway, BTS has 7 members which meant I had to throw in someone else. I could’ve added Bang Shi-hyuk, I’m sure some of you are saying, but I saved him for another district.

Nope, since SupremeBoi seems to be so talked about these days, I decided to throw him in there because BTS still wants to associate themselves with this guy, so here he is despite everything being his fault apparently. Just another problem added to the mess they’re in these days from fans fighting over J-hope’s chicken noodle soup to the boys being used as distractions so fans don’t realize just how fecked their image is becoming.

Great times we’re in, huh?

District 3 & 4: TWICE

The Fancy District

The next district is TWICE! The only one excluded from this group was Mina because I have a heart and the poor girl’s been through a lot these days with her condition, so I let her sit this one out. Sounds a bit hypocritical but I have a soft spot for those with anxiety problems especially if it affects you so much that it stops you from functioning in day to day life.

District 5: LOONA

STAN LOONA…too late?

From here on out, the districts will only hold 4 members from each group because I only had 48 slots in this game and I wanted a somewhat diverse range of idols. Still failed at getting some favorites and popular ones in here, but here’s LOONA at least with adorable Chuu, her gay lover Yves, Momma Lip and Olivia Hye who is wondering how she got stuck doing this bullshit.

District 6: Monsta X

I got nothing

Not much to say here besides the we have the false maknae IM, the muscular but really a soft marshmallow Wonho, the “martial arts master” Kihyun and the living meme, Hyungwon.

I also really like that gif of Kihyun. Something about him being blindfolded and passionately trying out his martial arts moves fits this game so well.

District 7: K-pop Lovers

Rational vs Irrational?

Okay, let me put it out here that me including the people in this district (with the exception of ARMY who I just threw in to see how they suffered), is not out of malicious intent. Heck, all three are on my reading recommendations list so of course I’m rooting for them. In particular, I’m waiting to see if AustralianSana finally gets rid of ARMY for good, but truly there is no stopping a force such as that. Scary.

District 8: SuperM

SM’s hip hopping jopping group

Nope, not making that joke. I picked these 4 because I was the most knowledgeable of who they were since I don’t follow SM that closely. So once again, not much I can really input here though a favorite of mine in this district would be Taemin.

District 9: Blackpink

BLINKS don’t come for me

This was the easiest district to make out of the ones where I had to limit it to just 4 members. I don’t really have a favorite in this one. I actually like all the girls or at the very least am pretty neutral despite the hate they seem to receive on a daily basis.

District 10: The CEOS

I try not to judge but if you seriously stan any of them, you need to do a little introspection

Is anyone really rooting for these guys? Just look at all of their smug little faces though JYP’s kind of just creeps me out because it looks like he’s planning on when he’s going to release his cult on the world or has he already done that?

Although, I do know that there are plenty of ARMYs who stan BigHit and their CEO, Bang Shi-hyuk. A swell guy, no? Many fans place their trust in him to treat their boys right and one can be the judge of how that’s turning out. He’s in this district for a reason.

District 11: Dreamcatcher

Probably the gayest district here (actually probably 2nd to TWICE but only cause we’re missing 3 members)

This district is perhaps the one I’m rooting for the most as a whole. They’re still kinda underdogs in the K-pop scene but they’re raising. Anyways, I was actually going to add Siyeon instead of SuA in this district but I simulated the games on Siyeon’s birthday and that SuA gif (or picture, I suppose) was just begging to be used.

And as you can see, besides SuA, I used pictures from Dreamcatcher’s latest release, Deja Vu, because I really like the look and feel of the MV, okay?

District 12: The Soloists

All of these women have my respect.

And finally, we have the soloists who round out the last district. IU really doesn’t look like she wants to be here. Sulli looks like she’s lost in her own world and doesn’t really care what’s going on. Sunmi is Sunmi. And Hyuna looks confused as hell as to why she’s here. Me too, Hyuna, me too.

The 1st K-pop Hunger Games

What a riveting start…

Yeah, so basically everyone is just mainly running away from the cornucopia or taking supplies which are the smart things to do, but rather boring.

Then this happened. Should I be surprised that ARMY was the first to kill? No, but why Sulli? Then again, a lot of people seem to hate on Sulli for the littlest of reasons, so I guess it’s not that shocking she was the first to be taken out.

On the other hand, there was some teamwork between idols curiously revolving around gathering fishing materials. Though, I always love to see when idols from the same group work together harmoniously because sometimes these people can be backstabbing s.o.b.s which is actually sad but sometimes hilarious to see?

Case in point
And sometimes the killing is by accident

Hey, some ARMYs seem to be really stressed over the debut of SuperM. V’s just doing damage control.

At this point, it’s just been the first day but quite a few idols have died already. Besides the ones highlighted above, Rosé died from accidentally stepping on a landmine while Dreamcatcher’s leader, Jiu, was stabbed in the back with a trident by IM of Monsta X which I did not appreciate, but what can you do?

Despite all this, the game was progressing normally when the squirrels attacked.

These little biters literally wiped out half of your faves here

I kid you not, but because of these squirrels about half of the 48 idols who participated in this game died in the first day alone. Pretty brutal. Here is some is the proof:

Out of this group, only Hyungwon and Nayeon survive without the need to kill looking apathetic and gleeful respectively to the others’ suffering. And I’m pretty sure Kim Lip was not in agony killing J-hope with hair like that. He had it coming, to be honest.

Betrayals going on, nothing new.

No comment though I was kinda rooting for AJ.

That fecker, SupremeBoi, survived, but Sana survived as well so I’m alright with that. Though I guess the squirrels didn’t like I names because IU and IM went down together. As for Jungkook…no comment.

After the brutal squirrel assault raid, the game pulled out the list of deaths as 25 cannons shots filled the air meaning only 23 idols remained. This was only day 1, mind you. We hadn’t even hit night time yet.

Speaking of which, as the remaining combatants turned in for the night, some interesting groups formed.

I don’t approve of SuA being in that group at all and I thought Kpopalypse was better than this. Oh, and Kim Lip got fed up with overly excitable Nayeon and killed her.
Not scandalous at all and yes, somehow this duo managed to survive the squirrels which is something I wasn’t counting on tbh

Anyways, another day arrives and with it more deaths.

Oppar was innocent

It’s amazing that they needed 5 people to kill Hyungwon though. I guess it really is a tough job to kill a meme.

Not much else happens the second day. All was quiet after that. There were even some moments shared during the night.

I’m not sure how to feel honestly. Not even the pureness of that second pairing makes up for the disturbing first pairing

Things must be getting pretty desperate.

This happens the very next day. Poor clueless Kihyun

The Feast happens on the very next day which is where SupremeBoi decided to destroy Kihyun’s memoirs because I guess he didn’t get enough action last night or something. Either way, proof the guy’s a douchebag.

At the same time this is happening, RM (yes, he’s still alive) and Tzuyu commit suicide together. Baekhyun kills Jisoo for some supplies while Wonho is strangled by Lucas with a rope.

Quality content

And to top it all off, a volcano erupts in the arena causing chaos once more. I swear, in all my time simulating hunger games, this is the first time arena event after arena event has occurred in such quick succession. It’s only day 3 and we’re about to lose even more participants.

Everyone suffocates. Yes, I know Chaeyoung’s status is cut off but don’t worry, she suffocates on that volcanic ash as well.

Lucas, the hero we didn’t know we had.

After the volcano dies down, things return to normal…sort of…

Well, this was the same guy who wanted Gahyeon to come up to his hotel room. Are we that surprised?

At this point, if you’ve been keeping track, the only ones still left alive are:

Kpopalypse from K-pop Lovers, SuA from Dreamcatcher, Lucas from SuperM, and Sana from TWICE.

And what do you know, another arena event hits them to push them to the limits again.

A moment of silence for good samaritans, SuA and Kpopalypse, please

It was somewhat morbidly wholesome to see such sacrifices taking place at the very end of this hunger games. SuA and Kpopalypse were so close to winning for their districts but still had the heart to sacrifice themselves in order to save someone they cared enough to die for. Amazing. Truly, what hearts of gold they have.

Well, this means that it is now Lucas vs. Sana. They’re the only two remaining in this game. Will one of them make the first move quickly to end it all or will another damn arena event come rolling out of nowhere to push one of them to the edge to kill?

Here’s your answer
He really doesn’t seem impressed

Welp, there you have it folks. Round one of the first Hunger games. I must admit, this game went by so fast that I did simulate a few more rounds which I thought I could squeeze in this post but I think that’s enough for now. I honestly don’t know if anyone found this even somewhat entertaining so until I get some sort of confirmation that it was, I may just hold off on typing up the other simulations. Still, I had fun doing this and hope to do it again sometime in the future. I just hope that my actually dry humor wasn’t enough to turn you all off.

Please possibly stay tuned for the next installment of the K-pop Hunger Games for you mildly distracting entertainment~

Bonus (The TL;DR)

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